


tired.

by ladybugfemme



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Self-Hatred, Sleep Deprivation, To An Extent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25391443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybugfemme/pseuds/ladybugfemme
Summary: Your name is Equius Zahhak and you haven't slept in nights.
Relationships: Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	tired.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this... prolly suckz. itz the first fic ive ever written an i cant be bothered to even read back through it right now an i straight up wrote it in the paste text box so bear with me here

Your name is Equius Zahhak and you haven't slept in nights. The effects of sleep deprivation wrack your body, pains shoot through your joints as you move and your thoughts blur together constantly. You really should sleep, but you don't.

You don't deserve sleep, you think. You force yourself to stay awake, to fight robots and train for hours upon hours, to hone your mechanics skills to near perfection. You must be useful, you must serve your purpose in society, and you can't do that if you are lazily dozing off. Someone like you has not earned the right to sleep.

You crack your knuckles and switch on a robot, ready to fight it and violently dismantle it and attempt to prove your STRENGTH, your worth to yourself. Its eyes light up red and it begins to whir, metallic limbs stretching out into a fighting stance. You mirror it, and the two of you begin your brutal dance.

You throw a punch and it lands on the contraption's arm, an old cut on your finger opening with the blow. Your opponent swings in retaliation, and you move to dodge it, but you... fail? The force hits your cheekbone and you freeze, disoriented, for just a second before bringing your leg into an aggressive but sluggish arc. The robot successfully avoids the attack.

You've performed this ritual a myriad times, always leaving with a few minor injuries, but never before have you come so close to losing. Your movements are so _slow_ _._ You attempt to inflict more damage but nearly all of your attacks miss, and your adversary manages to hit you more often than normal. You wear down fast, fatigue consuming you.

Eventually your body refuses to work. You are covered in bruises and abrasions and splits, and you are tired. You can't fight any more. Your eyes begin to close and you fall forward. This is it for you, you guess. You've fought to the death and you're the loser, but you are ready to accept your fate. You will never live up to your expectations of yourself and you are so, so tired. You hit the ground and pass out, expecting to be dismembered or viciously beaten to death.

\---

Your head is throbbing. You open your eyes and find a white figure looming over you. Your vision focuses and the figure becomes your lusus, bent down to tend to a wound on your arm. A worried look dances across his face as he gently cleans the injury.

Turning your head in a slow, careful, painful motion, you notice a humanoid machine collapsed on the ground- it had been shut off rather than destroyed. Aurthour must have managed to hit its off switch before it could quash your existence. What a good, caring lusus you have.

Aurthour finishes bandaging your arm and offers you his own muscled furry limb to help you to your feet. As you stand you make reluctant eye contact with him, before managing a weak smile and a pained thank you. You pat him as gently as you can and he flinches a little, grey swelling up where you touch him. It looks painful and you almost tear up at the sight of his pained face as he turns and walks off to the meal block.

A pinging noise rings out somewhere in the background and it takes you a moment to realize your computer is the source of the noise. You shuffle over to the desk and sit in your cushioned chair. It creaks dangerously, but does not break as you settle in and check Trollian. You just got a few messages from... Nepeta! She first messaged you a while ago, and it looks like shes been waiting for you to answer, so you hurry to type back.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < *ac waves a paw at ct*

AC: :33 < *ac sits patiently waiting for her furiend to answer*

AC: :33 < *ac wonders if ct is busy*

CT: D --> Hello

AC: :33 < *ac meows an excited gr33ting at her meowrail*

CT: D --> I apologiez for answering so late

CT: D -+> I had a

CT: D --> Predicamnet

Your hands are quivering due to lack of sleep and the pain from your injuries, so some of your typing is off. Its not that bad, but the imperfections tip off Nepeta.

AC: :33 < mew m33n purrdicament? 

CT: D--> Yes,sor ry

AC: :33 < mewre typing all funny!! is something wrong 33:

CT: D --> No

CT: D --> It's nothing

AC: :33 < *ac squints her eyes in susphission*

AC: :33 < what was your purrdicament?

CT: - -> It was truly nothing

CT: D --> You will not wory

AC: :33 < but i am purried!!

CT: D --> You wil l stop being worried

AC: :33 < i will k33p being purried!!

CT: D --> You arein no plave to deny my command

AC: :33 < i am in a place to deny it dummy

AC: :33 < as your meowrail i am supposed to purry about mew and help mew

AC: :33 < and mew are supposed to tell me what is wrong so i can help

AC: :33 < and despite your best effurts to hide it there is clearly something wrong so spill it!!

CT: D -> Fine

CT: D --> I will adnit i have nor slept in quite a while

CT: D --> And I was jus tinjured somewhat 

CT: D --> But I am fine I assure yuo

CT: D - Now we will move om to what you messaged me about in the first place

AC: :33 < i just wanted to have a furiendly cat with mew

AC: :33 < maybe play a game

AC: :33 < but thats not impurrtant right meow

AC: :33 < mew were inpurred?? 

CT: D --> Yes, but it was onyl minor

CT: D--> I am patched uo and you need not dwell on it any longer

AC: :33 < meow did that happen in the purrst place?? 

CT: D --> I was fighting a robot

CT: D - > And I 

CT: D --> Fell asleep

AC: :33 < while mew purr fighting?

CT: D --> Yeas

AC: :33 < when was the last time mew got a days sl33p 33:<

AC: :33 < or even slept at all!!! 33:<

CT: D --> I

CT: D- -> Don't remmber

AC: :33 < mew need sl33p dummy!!

AC: :33 < or else things like this happen

AC: :33 < no wonpurr your typing is odd, your fronds are all shaky

AC: :33 < go to sl33p

CT: No

AC: :33 < no??

CT: I cannot

CT: I dont deserve it

You've dropped your bow and arrow symbol entirely, tensing up as you admit even that little thing to your palemate. Aurthour brings you a fresh glass of milk but you can't bring yourself to pick it up.

AC: :33 < what do mew m33n?? of course mew deserve sl33p 33:

CT: I dont

CT: I have to make myself useful

CT: I have to work

CT: And I cant if Im alseep

AC: :33 < but if mew dont sl33p mew cat function and then mew cat work and be mewseful

AC: :33 < mew have to sl33p so mew can stay STRONG and focus on building and robotics

AC: :33 < and also so mew can feel good and stay healthy and not get purrt

AC: :33 < because you deserve that

CT: I

CT: Ok

CT: I guess

AC: :33 < so go take at least a catnap!! i will talk to mew later affur youve rested up

CT: Of course

CT: Thank you

CT: Goodbye

AC: :33 < *ac purrs a warm goodbye and leaves her friend to sl33p*

arsenicCatnip [AC] has ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

You look up from your screen. A tired, crooked smile dances upon your lips and your face is a little wet- from tears or sweat you don't know. It's a little embarrassing of a display (even though no one is around, even dear Aurthour is somewhere else). You walk sleepily to your respiteblock, and take your dear moirail's advice, climbing into your recuperacoon. The wounds on your body begin a pleasant tingling sensation, the sopor already working on healing them, and the feeling helps guide you to drifting off. As you leave consciousness, you think about how Nepeta loves you, how you are useful and STRONG and don't need to prove yourself, how you might just maybe deserve this nap. Then you enter peaceful somnolent bliss.

**Author's Note:**

> hope that wasnt too awful and choppy... id enjoy criticism if anyone has any!! thankz for readin


End file.
